Things I Learned Watching The Local News

1. Voting at the Coliseum continues on Wednesday, following an election on Tuesday.

2. Johnathan Weinzapfel is the former mayor of Evanston.

3. Louie Tran and Lou Tran are the same person. Although it is entertaining watching the anchor call him one name and Lou/Louie identifying himself another.

4. FWCS School Board candidate William Critell's name rhymes with the word "brittle". 

5. Ken "FRY" was among the candidates running for "Allen County City Council".

6. Most local "on-the-scene" reporters have very little "ad-lib" experience. 

7. Most local "on-the-scene" first words are "yeah" or a regurgitation of what the anchor just said.

8. According to one of the 6pm female anchors "the leaves have not started falling yet".

9. The difference between "felony criminal charges" and "serious felony criminal charges" apparently, is the addition of an extra adjective. 

10. When a female anchor's wardrobe and hair style change from one newscast segment to another, and back again, we should not notice nor call attention to the fact, even though it is a "live" broadcast. 

11. A college law professor, somewhere, is calling for an overhaul of the Electrical College. 

12. "Facts I just uncovered" by the breathless live shot reporter are really being read right out of the Journal Gazette. 

13. BB guns shoot "bullets". 

14. The U-D-S-A performs the same function as the better-known U-S-D-A.

15. Live reports always go better when the female reporter screams at the camera. 

16. B-roll has no expiration date. Even 10-year-old stock footage is acceptable. 

17. B-roll doesn't have to match the story being read by the anchor. Extra points if the B-roll includes an accused child molester or politicians.

18. Local anchors are experts at remaining clam during a technical FUBAR.

19. Clip-on microphone placement is critical to avoid the sounds of digestion and impending flatulency. 

20. Windom Hotels are not synonymous with WIDE-mun Hotels. Whatever that is. 

21. "Consertive" appears to be interchangeable with the word "Conservative". Also note, they never, ever screw up the word "Progressive" or "Democrat". 

22. Courts have the ability to uphold the "connection" of someone convicted of a crime. 

23. We wonder if ABC News with David Muir is really live, when we often see the 4-3-2-1 electronic slate count-down before it begins. 

24. The mayor or Indianapolis' name has been changed to HOG-zit.

25. On 9/11/2020, tone-deaf anchors wonder, out loud, why all the flags in a downtown weather shot seem to be at half-staff.